I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
