Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
