I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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