I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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