if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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