Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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