I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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