Only a mothe r could love this liver
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
