wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
