this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
