do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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