Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
