Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
