well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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