i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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