I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
