i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
