i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
