i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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