Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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