Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I faked an abortion last night.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
