"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.