Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.