i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi