i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
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I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.