i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.