also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
