im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
