eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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