My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i now understand why vodka
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
