I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
