We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the liver wants what the liver wants
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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