well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
