piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
