Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
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Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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