Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
