I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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