Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize