it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
