Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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