i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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