That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
