It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
