we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Gay?
German.
Pity.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
