Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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