girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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