My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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