I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
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As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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