worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
