You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
