I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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