hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
