Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
