the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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