Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
