Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
