Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
