time to smoke my breakfast
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
