Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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