I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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