We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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