Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
