I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
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So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
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Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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