Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
